wanting, not wanting

Here is one from 2001, translated into English. Just is still with me, which I value greatly. We're still careful, but not as jumpy as we used to be.


Just

I had to get out, get out of the noise for a while. The bands were so loud, the air was so hot. Between the tall buildings, a dirty street unwinds, like a piece of string for me to follow. The street goes along, strokes the soles of my feet. Away I sneak.

It’s too early for seagulls to shriek, too late for taxis to drive by. Behind the dust-grey sky the last snow of the spring awaits to fall on earth. A bewildering, speechless silence lies calm and waiting in the eye of the restlessness of the city, the anxiousness of me. I feel I am in need, yet I feel content.

Then. My friend, beside me.
- you came. how did you know?
- you thought of me, I came

I don’t have to see in order to be sure; what I need is now here. Why and how I feel it, I do not know and I cannot comprehend. You are so strange to me, Just. And yet, I could not want you more not to find out the answer. Once you have the answer, you no longer have to ask. And an all-answering sentence is hollow inside. A vacuum, where sound cannot travel.

- you’re quiet, Just said
- with you I’m quiet. speech is scary. how could I be sure not to lose you in meaningless words, badly chosen phrases? I can’t speak of this moment with words that were born in the past

So we stood there, still, and not looking, not uttering a word. Being so very careful. How long, I do not know. When did you leave, I did not notice. And that is well.

Soon came down the last snow of the spring. It continued falling down until the morning, into the day. Not caring for what people think, dismissing all forecasts. And there we were, me and my friend Just, as one, as two, among thousands like us.

Me and my friend Just, just a friend of mine.