at last, and yet no

at last
I've been given time to unwind

still
repressed are all words inside me
twisted shut is my mind
I want to say so much to you
but something's stopping me

and I think I know why:

I'm tired of this medium
stressed to see you through the screen
annoyed to read and write
bored of weary words and faded images

and I long to touch

I need to feel you near
lying head to toe
in the misleading dark
need to nurse with words, light and seemingly frivolous
and to be nourished

as if in secret, not knowing
*hush hush*
how wonderful to pretend
that we don't exactly know
what it is
that's going on
--it's not cool to be vulnerable
to any other than the one--
(I smile even now, just remembering)

but plain and simple,
it's not enough to remember something passed