Högsand stilleben august 2005

..human can only try to capture and imitate..

a private joke

*sneeze*
this time I really have the allergies ... hi hi

I wonder what condition you're in?

burning headache

when I'm tired and aching,
alone and hungry for,
there are no miracles to be seen

(I know they are there; I'm just blinded)

but I can still hear and feel,
still be moved

so I get drunk on music,
and pass out on touch,
and tomorrow: wake up to another day

mental note 1: remember to stop now

just to remind myself:

no, I don't want to.
I don't want this anymore, if I ever did.
no.

frozen food

'we're not there yet', you said
and I just nodded although I knew
that here I am, waiting

you're still on the way from A to B;
so far from my home
that you can hardly see me nor hear me
so there's no point in calling you,
no point in waving at your direction

here I am, just waiting
looking through my telescope
hoping that one day you'll arrive
and we'll have a feast

you might never come;
you may take another turn and disappear in the shrubs

then I'll put down my telescope
and freeze the feastly dinner to be served some other time
to some other welcomed guest
..but the flavour's not what it was,
and the colours have faded a little

anxiety in rhyme

all of this
all of you
already know/

many things/
are too big for words to describe/
too rich and abundant to encompass it all/

which is why/
it seems trivial and mundane to write/
in here all the feeling of waiting to fall/

never mind
never worry
it is just me/

I'm the one ever patiently waiting/
always second in line, never called upon first/
whose image is rapidly fading

smiling when in pain

there is pain in waiting
-- and pain can be bliss

this is for sure:
pain IS certainly good for you,
like all medicine

so come on girl,
drink it all up

Here are some recent ones rediscovered.


(July 2005)

The three sisters so dear to me:
Anticipation,
Longing
and Expectance

I'm expecting to get older by the year,
longing for a child to raise,
and anticipating to receive
all the good that's gathering near

Years, eternity, a few weeks
I'll wait to be with my sisters again

- - - - -

(May 2005)

three pieces of paper
worth millions to me

torn and written in a minute's haste
but thoughts come within a week

though coloured by a lifetime,
still not all falsified
-- and for that I am grateful

I hoped for respect
like that I give you
-- I found it
And I thank you

She is pain relief

tomorrow
my love,
i'll come to see You

and You'll taste of salt,
You'll sing to me,
You'll wash over this burning feeling
that pulsates around my heart
that flickers in my chest

i don't want to be a beacon,
i want to be cool and pale! (i want to melt into You)
...if after all the hawkeyed staring
they'll just pass me by,
i'd rather be invisible in the first place
...i am not a means, i am the end

You're just what i needed
my love,
and i apologise
for not remembering You sooner,
for looking elsewhere for relief
(sigh)
i'm just like all of them: a mere human being to whom
out of sight means out of mind

but i have the gift of remembering
You
and forgetting
myself

i will heal myself
with Your help, my love