Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Atlantic

she is right there!
I can hear her heaving breath

I can't go to her right now and it hurts
--I have a deep yearning--
I'm tied by work, tied by the others
but I know she'll wait;

she's there, eternally
--unlike me

it is love I feel
for her
for the sea

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Thursday, June 23, 2005

pret-a-porter

New York has a colour code; do's & don'ts on what to wear

no brights in the morning -- you'll stand out
(clothes)
no white in the night -- you'll stand out
(skin)

in the daytime, wear what you like
there's 8 million of us
(at least)
-- there's someone just like you, bet your bottom dollar

be what you like, you won't stand out
(even if you tried)

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mutual agreement

New York;
the cause of every phobia known to man:
New York;
it's noisy, crowded, dirty, and constructed with sky-high walls.
New York;
it's decided -- I don't like you.
But then again, you don't care.
Tomorrow I'm in Philly.

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Monday, June 20, 2005

product placement

I went to see The Blue Man Group.
Alone. = Not working.
Was thrilled by the show!

I rarely do it, but this time I have to make an exception:
Go. See. It.
if you can

This is what it feels like to be swept off your feet.
I'm smiling.
Don't want to come down. I don't think I will... lovely.

A friend of mine, it was Awesome.
This time, I agree.
I was in awe.

I hope all of you are well,
and still sparing a thought for me.
This ain't over, for a whole lotta time.
But right now,
I feel sparkly.
It tickles, and I love it.

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Thursday, June 16, 2005

one word

there is no one word to encompass everything I am feeling right now

I am prepared:
I had my hair cut short
I took a photocopy of the passport
I bought traveller's cheques
I packed a separate 'necessities kit' in my back bag

still,
I have no way of knowing what will happen

let's just hope that
my back can take all the driving and carrying and lifting
nothing will break (her wheelchair, my patience)
nothing is stolen
there is no road accident

I have no way of knowing and I'm worried
but not that much,
for I know that you're thinking of me

one word: you

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Saturday, June 11, 2005

wanting, not wanting

Here is one from 2001, translated into English. Just is still with me, which I value greatly. We're still careful, but not as jumpy as we used to be.


Just

I had to get out, get out of the noise for a while. The bands were so loud, the air was so hot. Between the tall buildings, a dirty street unwinds, like a piece of string for me to follow. The street goes along, strokes the soles of my feet. Away I sneak.

It’s too early for seagulls to shriek, too late for taxis to drive by. Behind the dust-grey sky the last snow of the spring awaits to fall on earth. A bewildering, speechless silence lies calm and waiting in the eye of the restlessness of the city, the anxiousness of me. I feel I am in need, yet I feel content.

Then. My friend, beside me.
- you came. how did you know?
- you thought of me, I came

I don’t have to see in order to be sure; what I need is now here. Why and how I feel it, I do not know and I cannot comprehend. You are so strange to me, Just. And yet, I could not want you more not to find out the answer. Once you have the answer, you no longer have to ask. And an all-answering sentence is hollow inside. A vacuum, where sound cannot travel.

- you’re quiet, Just said
- with you I’m quiet. speech is scary. how could I be sure not to lose you in meaningless words, badly chosen phrases? I can’t speak of this moment with words that were born in the past

So we stood there, still, and not looking, not uttering a word. Being so very careful. How long, I do not know. When did you leave, I did not notice. And that is well.

Soon came down the last snow of the spring. It continued falling down until the morning, into the day. Not caring for what people think, dismissing all forecasts. And there we were, me and my friend Just, as one, as two, among thousands like us.

Me and my friend Just, just a friend of mine.

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Thursday, June 09, 2005

who to tell that I just cried a little?
-- so I told the world, and it replied.

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Wednesday, June 08, 2005

I radiate

how wonderful it is not to be taken for granted
how lovely it is to be marvelled

I am a gem
I am a flower
a ray of sunlight
a drop of rain

unique every second

so this is what I missed
this is what I longed for:
not to be self-evident
not to be consumed

I am eternal
I am endless

I do not always shine
but underneath all muck
there's forever potential

they didn't see
-- seeing is not believing, I say

so this is what I missed
this is what I hoped for:
someone with a piece of skin
to wipe me clean and let me radiate

but will that suffice as a reward to you?

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Monday, June 06, 2005

erosion of the smile

An interesting theory:

An old woman sat herself beside me
on a bench at a tram stop in Helsinki the other day.

She started talking.
First the usual stuff: her health -- or lack thereof,
and the poorly weather we've been having in Finland all summer,
and if the summer can be granted it's title at all
"It's prolonged winter", she said.

I then replied that I had just been to Iceland
"And there's a bare piece of land with raw & rugged climate
if there ever was one", I added.
(I would have continued by saying
that Iceland is also the most bewildering,
miraculous and beautiful piece of faith's creation on this earth
-- but she interrupted my thought.)

She told me an anecdote about a women's choire from Iceland
that performed in Helsinki, Finland, several years back.
(Well, if this ancient woman said it was some years back,
it is more likely that it happened several decades ago...
But anyway.)

She said the choire sang beautifully
and were pleasant to look at and so on,
but that they didn't smile at all.
The old woman presented to me
this theory, according to which
the rough climate in Iceland
has worn off the smiles from their faces.
Erosion.
The wind has just swept it away.

To further justify this theory
she gave a counter-example:
the children on the Southern Hemisphere;
they smile a lot.
It's because of the warm & sunny climate.
"And they eat out of dumpsters", she added knowingly.
Then, like in the middle of the sentence
she rushed off to catch her tram.

Mine was yet to come,
so I remained sitting and pondered this theory.
Hmm.
I recently got to know some very nice bunch of people
from Iceland,
and they DO smile,
and they do know how to have FUN
and how to express it.
(Some of them go looting the dumpsters too,
though only for kicks & fun, not for survival...)
So maybe the theory needs refining. Or updating.

Well, you can't dispose of a theory
until you've been able to proove it
wrong.
Right?

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Sunday, June 05, 2005

word for the day: inquisitive
People are puzzles,
and I want to make them out.
Asking questions, getting answers
that's the only way
to build a picture,
piece by piece.
I'm not nosy,
I'm inquisitive.
I have a thirst for knowledge,
quench it,
be so kind.
But don't drown me.

Labels:


international red & blue Posted by Hello

we lost our way -- and found beauty Posted by Hello

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kentauri & centaur in Stockholm Posted by Hello

Thursday, June 02, 2005

adding up

MATHEMATICS: Me = 1

This new thing that I have
(pause)


To my great amazement, you reach perfection every time
With you I’m content – every time…!
It may lapse for a moment, I may wake up from the dream, once in a while
But all in all, you’re never wrong ; you always hit the spot, always reach within

I’m puzzled by you…
I sit still, it’s so very quiet – even my thoughts have seized to run amok
I sit and I listen
(whispered)
to the rushing of my blood, the jolting of my heart, and the aching of my bones
I sit still, without thinking, but still working overtime

How could I hide all this commotion? How could I.
So, unfortunately, everyone can see
It’s in the centre of me, that’s were it all happens ; my core, my essence
So, unfortunately, it’s impossible to hide

Sketch me on a piece of paper, take a ruler, make a grid
Diagonal ; horizontal, vertical
Locate the focal point
Then look, look carefully, and write down the co-ordinates
So, if ever I am lost from you, you can sum me up, make me reappear


Pure mathematics : multiplied with one, one is still a total one

I sit still, it’s so very quiet – but now I’m thinking again
Like a complex formula ; it took a while to contemplate, but now it’s crystal clear :


So afraid of being ‘none’,
I forgot that I am ‘1’
No less, that is, even if with zero added
And more to that : I’ll always have a focal point, no matter if it’s fixed or in a flux
I’m always centred, always Me

So afraid of being ‘none’
I forgot the other side ; the sum
Derived from the answer, a new pattern appears :
You’re not the first …and not the last to move me

Mathematics, it’s endless

I could do these calculations forever, like a human supermachine
But I’ll stop now,
they’re waiting for me (they = carpe diem, sister)
I have other things to do

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in Iceland in May: me and two new friends of mine Posted by Hello