The path is pre-drawn

along the shoreline
I walked and walked
not finding anything but constructed space

"Parks, the lungs of the city."

where's the infinite mass,
where the solemn and grey force,
where my lovely?

I can't do this alone!
I need you to pull me away from
these pre-planned paths
to take me to Her

Her
unpredictability
vastness
- I feed off it

Random variation

This city
calls for our undivided attention
The demanding small-scale metropolis
Large enough for adventures and misfortunes alike

My little town, my friend
Familiar and charmingly mundane
The charm wears off,
oh no,
or rather,
is covered
by occasional disdain for mediocracy

I believe the charm is real
And she's there

Have you noticed how the passers-by,
how their appeal is different from day to day?
It's all in my mood for today, for now

The forecast for tomorrow: partly sunny

lists

what do I do when
the headaches wake me up at night?

I jump up,
eyes open,
like spasms, unvoluntarily
to very quickly realise: it's not morning,
and I'm not well

I wait some time in the dark
it feels like two hours

eventually
the pain wins the match,
so I'm forced to take a pill
-- five more hours not worth wasted lying awake

what do I do when
the headaches keep me up at night?
I make lists
of pleasant things
-- I'm so easy to fool!
before I know it, it really is morning

knead, roll and raise

unlikely
warm but persistant prairie wind
waiting for rain

I went to run a few errands, then took a walk
found a previously unseen point of view
gazing at the lake

nice.

now, an hour later:
half the sky is greyish black
other half basking in sunlight
low pressure is good for baking bread,
makes the dough rise

fresh-made treats
kitchen sink with dirty dishes
small effort, everyday pleasures
chores: fifty-fifty

in the tiny kitchen
I opened the window
but the weather doesn't enter
and I don't go out

Words finally oozing out

First semi-detached piece of writing in a long time. Might be getting a grip, finally.
Wish me luck, it is needed.

- - -

Lately

single phrases come to mind
none linked
- poetry is withered leaves

I lack control of my emotions
or rather
of rational thinking to put them in place
I operate with logical care, day in day out
and nothing leads to nothing

seemingly sensible to others
so why would they bother
- why is it forbidden to ask for medication?
legal, illegal substances: OK
(take a pill, or a sip, or a puff - "it's alright")
but humane pain relief: unacceptable

wrong
as if I was asking too much
as if I was to suggest immorality
"you just can't do that"

my
self
inflicted
pain
- you connect the dots.