love as acceptance

I said I'd have everything
everything I'd seen this far
and everything I'd seen
was all good

I didn't say I'd have it all
I'd have whatever
since I'm no fool
nor a saint

but I'm brave
and I'm strong
and I feel the need
to show that I can
and I want

I have to pace my steps

gasping for air
acting all normal

I get up
hat, mittens, coat
- It was a good movie.

out the door
across the street
-Hope there's one soon.

sliding doors
plastic seats
- We're there already.

up the granite steps
look at the timetable
- Oh good, I'll just make it.

the regular seat
face freezing from the minus degrees
-
I look at the seat in front of me
they're all the same
blue, fabric worn all shiny
torn and dirty
and
I wish to hang my head
against the seat in front of me

Is it my turn now?
Is it time?

nothing comes out, not a tear
Too much?
Too soon?

there's the stop
ring the bell
- Where's my key.

and then the heavens send me snow
and I breathe out

fresh homemade gratitude

storebought thank-yous
-- not for me

prissy and glazed with glittery glizt

thank you
for letting me be rough on the edges
thank you
for enjoying my prickles and thorns
thank you
for playing the game

North-bound

I was driving towards the Big Dipper
I was driving home
and listening to music
listening to the growing moans and sighs in my head

holding on to the wheel
I stared at the road ahead
as the evening surrounded me ever thicker
I sat still
feeling ever more comfortable in discomfort

megabytes to gigabytes
more miles per hour
everything escalating
as I was coming nearer to a stop

I was driving towards the Big Dipper
I was driving home
and listening to music
enjoying the still growing moans and sighs in my head

music caresses my brain
I let it take me

cold to hot
soft to tingly
everything pulsating
as I come nearer to a stop

and finally
oh yes
I came
home

Stop.

past tense made present

he was going through some boxes in the attic
labelled 'Old Junk'
a pile of photos emerged
and there was I

his hands in constant, idle motion
seized
he stared at me
I swung him back
to the place he no longer calls home
he refused, it's not right
it's not him

but as surely as I had once been real
I was in the picture
I was back again
and I would not burn into ashes
as the Old Junk did